I am part of the generation that doesn’t care enough to vote, but I consider myself to be an exceptional exception. In fact, I am a pretty well informed young lady when it comes to politics. When I pull magazines out of the mailbox, the latest issue of “TIME” is squeezed in there somewhere between “Rolling Stone,” “Entertainment Weekly” and warning letters from those damn Columbia House people.
With that said, this year’s presidential election will mark my first ever voting experience. Up until last week I thought I’d decide that Al Gore would be the lucky one to pop my voting cherry, but after surveying all the available information, and watching the two major candidates make asses out of themselves at the debates, I’ve changed my mind. The mind changing was the result of a major revelation…I don’t live in England. Not only did this revelation put a stop to my “driving on the wrong side of the road” tickets, it helped me decide who I should vote for.
Al Gore’s dad was a senator. Bush’s dad was president. Unlike England, this country’s government is not (supposed to be) based on political succession. So I’ve decided to take a stand and change the way this country works. My first ever vote will be cast for a write-in candidate. The only man that could possibly handle the title of “world’s most powerful man.” I’m voting for Screech.
Dustin Diamond began his career in the entertainment industry as a “live” mannequin in a San Francisco department store when he was just eight years old. From there he moved on to modeling and television commercials, and eventually made the leap to Saturday morning sitcom glory with “Saved By The Bell.”
It is Dustin’s work on SBTB that illustrates his overwhelmingly impressive qualifications for president. You want a leader for this nation? Not only was he captain of the Bayside High chess team, he was also president of the Insect Club and a member of the Miniature Golf team.
We all want a president that will make sound decisions, decisions that will allow this great country to prosper. I think we’d all agree that choosing to participate in the SBTB made for TV movies, “Hawaiian Style” and “Wedding In Las Vegas” were two of the best decisions a young actor could make, seeing as how they jet propelled him into super stardom. As Entertainment Weekly magazine said in its February 4, 1994 issue, “Diamond could be as good an actor as Dustin Hoffman.”
As Americans, we all want to be sure that our next president is someone we can trust, someone that will always be there for us. Dustin might not be the coolest of characters, but he’s someone we can rely on. Wasn’t it Screech that was the only one to not get drunk at the Homecoming party? Just think, if the gang had entrusted Screech to drive instead of Drunk Popular Zack, they would never have driven Lisa’s moms Mercedes into a telephone pole, and Slater’s shoulder wouldn’t have separated, and he wouldn’t have had to miss the big game! Sure, Zack was popular with the ladies, and was always pulling the wool over Belding’s eyes, but think about it America! Do you want a Drunk Popular Zack, the type of guy that causes his best friend to miss playing in the Homecoming game of his senior year, driving us into the new millennium?
And loyal! Dustin is such a loyal man that he remained a cast member even after everyone else had left! While Zack and Jessie were off starring in B movies, and Kelly was getting her boob job, Dustin was sticking to his roots. No way was Dustin going to abandon the people that made him a star…he stayed on the show until it was cancelled! Dustin’s loyalty can be seen in his personal life as well. He told “Entertainment Tonight” that his father had stolen and spent practically all the money he made from SBTB. But does Dustin move out of his dad’s house? Of course not! That’s the kind of man we need as our next prez!
Al Gore is boring. George W Bush is dumb. Pat Buchanan and Ralph Nader don’t have a chance. Sure, Dustin’s not actually “qualified” to be president, nor is he old enough. But America is a democratic society, and if we can rally together and help Dustin Diamond win this election, well dammit, I think we could make an exception to the law. I think Byron said it best when he wrote, “Dustin Diamond is the archetype of man, whom we all shall strive to mirror our likeness.”
By: Kim Maguire – contributing writer
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