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The Critic has never been properly credited for his oft-repeated statement that a picture is worth a thousand words. However, that prophetic remark has never been more accurate than with respect to the priceless snapshot of Critic fave Al Davis above.

The photo in question was taken during the press conference during which Davis explained his fleecing of the Glazer family which consisted of him trading Jon Gruden, a coach he had clearly tired of, to Tampa for two first round picks, two second round picks and EIGHT MILLION DOLLARS!

At the press conference King Al had the commendable audacity to say the following:

1.) He didn’t want to make the deal but he was more concerned about not getting in the way of Gruden returning to his hometown. Sure. And Davis was always concerned about Pete Rozelle incurring legal fees.

2.) Gruden could have killed the deal. Fill in your own punch line.

3.) The Raiders are more scrutinized than Al Qaeda. There was no indication that Davis had even a fleeting thought that the comparison was in bad taste. Davis meant what he said as sure as the Glazers’ $8 million is green. Of course, the Raiders did fly through Boston’s pathetic Logan airport last month, so maybe the Great One was speaking in the literal sense.

But look at that shot. For his special press conference Davis decided on the always-popular Members Only leather jacket with the plunging neckline black silk shirt underneath look. And then there is the omnipresent-jeweled glasses string, so he can take off his specs in style. Of course Al donned a diamond bracelet with a width approximating that of Tom Flores’ coiffed mane.

Of course, what would you expect on Al Davis’ ring finger but a gaudy Super Bowl ring? Surely you were not expecting a wedding ring.

And finally, the piece de resistance, the Elvis meets an oil slick and a wind machine hairstyle, which should be an ESPN Classic.

How can you not love the guy?

To top it all off, Davis went out and signed Denver linebacker Bill Romanowski with some of the Glazers’ money. Some guys you have to promise a signing bonus or a luxury box. Uncle Al promised Romo a weekly trip to the Raiders private drugstore on the house.

Olympic Wrap-up

It is popular to rip the Olympics, but with the notable exception of the figure skating, the games made for solid nighttime entertainment. However, with respect to skating, the only time the Critic ever hopes to see Jamie Sale again is if she is on a stage with a metal pole in the middle of it.

The Russians complained about everything in Utah short of polygamy. All this bitching from a third world country that introduced steroids and cheating into the Olympic landscape.

Maybe if the silver medal had been made of bread and vodka, the Russians would have kept quiet.

Would you be surprised if Michelle Kwan’s favorite football team is the Buffalo Bills?

Apolo Anton Ohno will never make big money endorsing products, because advertisers likely foresee the day when he will be picked up tripping in a Seattle grunge bar. But Ohno was refreshing in that he didn’t cry when things didn’t go his way, and instead was actually thankful and gracious when he won a silver after being tackled by a skater in a manner that would have made Jack Lambert proud.

Ohno was a credit to his country.

Bon Jovi was great during the closing ceremonies, but what was that pimp meets cowboy meets Elton John number Richie Sambora was wearing?

And speaking of pimps, was it really necessary for no talent Christina Aguilera to dress like a whore when she appeared on the world stage?

The hockey was great. Wayne Gretzky’s idiotic rant about everyone being against Canada apparently did the trick of taking the heat off of his team. In the Gold Medal game Canada was clearly the better team over the willing USA squad. Joe Sakic was the best player on the ice, although Mike Richter was amazing in defeat.

Random Musings

Michael Jordan proved to everyone that he could come back and be one of the top 10 players in the league. He also showed that he could turn a team of bums into a playoff contender. He has had game winning shots and remarkable highlight plays that were somewhat reminiscent of his former self. But now that his knee is injured, he should call it quits and make one last effort at saving his marriage.

But he won’t because he can’t bear the thought of leaving the limelight and missing the competition. His family is not enough.

Jerry Krause may have received the best player in the deal when he acquired Jalen Rose from Indiana. But the fact remains that Rose will never be the best player on a championship contender. He is at best a second guy in the Scottie Pippen mold.

By the way, when did Pippen retire?

Every so often Nolan Richardson goes off on some rant on what a target of racism he is. His self important, woe is me act is tiresome. The truth is that while he is a great coach, if he were not a minority he would have less job security than he presently enjoys. Because no athletic director is going to fire a black coach who is already complaining of racial discrimination.

Sources have told the Critic that due to salary cap problems, the Ravens will not be able to play the 2002 NFL season.

Genius Brian Billick was able to fit Art Modell’s camelhair coat under the salary cap.

For those of you who watch 24, which is probably the best show on television right now, the Critic will miss Ira Gaines.
So maybe the Kevin Sutherland-Scott McCarron matchup wasn’t exactly what ABC was hoping for. Still, the match play format is exciting to watch and is a great break from the usual tournament format. And credit Sutherland for coming through in the clutch. Imagine the 62nd seeded team winning the NCAA tournament.

Jayson Williams has given a new meaning to the term “shootaround.”

Five years and $65 million for Bobby Abreu? Abreu had a breakout season last year, hitting .289 with 31 home runs, 110 RBI and 36 steals. It was the first time Abreu broke the 30 homer and 100 RBI plateaus. Couldn’t the Phils have made him do it one more time before giving him the big bucks?

Great Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year. Yamila Diaz-Rahi is a rich man’s version of Penelope Cruz.

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Anna Kournikova’s people didn’t do their client any favors by putting Anna’s calendar advertisement among the pictures of the SI babes in that issue. Kournikova is a mediocre professional tennis player who happens to be attractive. But her looks pale in comparison to the SI models.

Just think: judging by the way he used Marshall Faulk in the Super Bowl, if Mike Martz had been in charge of the swimsuit issue, he only would have had Diaz-Rahi in 2 pictures and used her as a decoy.

By: Scott Shuster